The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
