my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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