He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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