yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize