Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
