You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
