Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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