Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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