I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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