i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I would ride that face into the sunset
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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