Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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