brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
