Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
