break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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