Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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