I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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