My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
