gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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