I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
