don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
