I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
