just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
