Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
