i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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