Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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