It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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