i think i have herpe
just one?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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