K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
