I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
