I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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