oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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