it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
