How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I party with great urgency now.
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