Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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