Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
