im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
