Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
