brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
barbara walters just said penis...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize