I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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