Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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