I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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