Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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