Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you would pick up someone in the library
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
