It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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