All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
