the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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