Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize