I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
