I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
