you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
how does that bad decision feel?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
