You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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