Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize