Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
