The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
