I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
