are you still at the devil's house?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
