Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
