farters have to be the big spoon...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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