I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize