It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
