I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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