god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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