I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
