They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize