That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
