Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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