I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
