I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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