Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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