Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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