woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
