he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
