oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
