come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
