I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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