I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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