Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
