I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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