This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
