I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
