i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
