If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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