I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
