do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
someone owes me an orgasm
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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