I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
