you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
