Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
