ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
