Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize