she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
