Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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