false alarm. still invincible.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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