we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize