It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
