He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
