I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
