Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You need a sexual gate keeper
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
