I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
