Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
