it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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